I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
