I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
