I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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