hell yes lets make some ravioli
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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