My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
