and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
