I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
