You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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