I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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