He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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