I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
