I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
