Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just had sex on a roof
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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