Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just had sex bonerless
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
