I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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