why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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