he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
