it was like his penis was on wheels.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
