Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
