i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
