Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
