Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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