well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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