dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
