Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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