I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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