I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
