i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
birth control should be required to get into college
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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