bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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