Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
