He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
