I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
