ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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