I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
