third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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