Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
