i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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