So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
