I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
