can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
