You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
