Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
