I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
