Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
