If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
