Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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