We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
