Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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