I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
