I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
