Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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