Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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