I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
