whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
